The ObserverClubbing This article is more than 9 years old

Mamading in Magaluf: this is not a tale of broken Britain. It's far, far sadder

This article is more than 9 years oldBarbara Ellen

This was heartless manipulation of the hopelessly inebriated and had just about nothing to with sex

It is difficult to know what was really going on in the now-notorious "mamading" video shot of the 18-year-old British woman "performing sex acts" on 24 men in a Magaluf bar. The company running the night, Carnage Magaluf, says that she was not coerced. However, it has been widely reported that, as is usual at such events, everyone present was plied with drink and the inebriated woman thought she could win a holiday, which turned out to be a cocktail called "A Holiday". See what they did there? Oh my aching sides.

Of course this young woman should not be "slut-shamed", though I'd wager this wasn't some sexually emancipated adventuress, fulfilling some hot fantasy of publicly fellating multiple strangers. For one thing, she's clearly wrecked. For another, she doesn't really fellate anyone – rather pops the men in and out of her mouth, hurriedly, as if spitting out bad food. She doesn't seem to find it remotely sexual.

And while it's true that they should have been given equal billing in the media coverage, in fairness, the 24 men seem equally inebriated. Flaccid to a man, they sag into the girl's mouth with as much sexual charge as sparrows landing on a windowsill. This wasn't a scene, as advertised, of bacchanalia, "broken Britain" in freefall. It was far sadder than that. This was an everyday tale of manipulation and opportunism, exacerbated by alcohol and technological advance. How many of us would like our youthful fleeting excesses publicised? If there'd been social media when I was carousing, I'd be living in the Gobi desert, under an assumed name, wearing a false beard, by now.

Moreover, I felt an irrational jolt of pity when I read that the young woman came from a quiet, reserved religious background. Irrational, because backgrounds don't always tell you everything and anyway it doesn't matter whether someone is a "bad" or "good" girl.

Still, as with any kind of big trouble a girl can get into (notably unplanned pregnancy or STIs), isn't it so often the innocent and naive, rather than the worldly, clued-up and experienced, who end up copping it? Just as there's slut-shaming for young women, I believe there is also a shadow-culture of prude-shaming for those who are shyer and quieter: given too much alcohol, egged on to "have a laugh!" – until suddenly they blink and find themselves in a noisy club, with strangers' genitals in their mouths, starring in a video going viral.

Would it all have been fine had she won a real holiday? That's irrelevant because, in common with all forms of abuse, this young woman wasn't given a choice. She wasn't honestly offered the option of "performing" for the sake of some lousy £4 cocktail, which, drunk though she was, she'd probably have turned down. This muddies the issue of informed consent to a disquieting degree. If it's true about the "holiday" trick, it has vague but creepy echoes of girls from poor countries who are told they are going to get a proper job abroad, but end up being sex-trafficked. Lured with the promise of one thing, but ending up with something quite different.

I'd say Carnage Magaluf, and similar companies, have questions to answer, about duty of care to those attending such events. Booze might be the cornerstone of youth holiday culture, but manipulation of people too blitzed to make informed decisions should never be.

As for the young woman, at the risk of being an over-maternalistic, out-of-touch old hag, unwittingly denying her the right to express her sexuality, I just want to give her a big hug and say: "No one with half a brain cell is judging you and, if they are, to Hades with them! Hold your head high, move on."

Show school weigh-ins the way out

Even with obesity levels rising, is it a good idea to weigh primary school pupils once a year to keep track of their weight, as suggested by chair of the Commons health select committee, Sarah Wollaston?

Pupils are already weighed at the beginning and end of primary school, which seems quite enough. This is not about adults having power over children; this is about children having power over other children – that special power to make their lives hell. It wouldn't matter how subtly these weigh-ins were done, it would still be nightmarish for even slightly overweight children.

The fear is that the teasing would go beyond normal playground taunts and start to feel organised, even sanctioned. It's never been possible to control things like these. At my school, I remember attempts to make headlice inspections less embarrassing for the afflicted were gleefully mocked: "So, if nits only like clean hair, and I don't have them, does that mean I'm dirty, miss?"

Adults also need to realise that school isn't their patch: in every important sense, it belongs to the children. It's easy to forget that, especially for small children, school isn't just school, it's their entire world. And everything that happens there, big or small, has an intensely disproportionate impact. For some, just something as innocuous as an annual weigh-in could transform their idea of school as a sanctuary into school as a torture chamber.

A better solution might be for GPs to keep discreet tabs on children with weight issues, as I'm sure many do anyway. This would mean more privacy and also place the situation back into the adult world, where it belongs – not in childhood, where it doesn't. Give the kids a break and leave school out of it.

Chris Martin's carnivorous act sticks in my craw

Coldplay's Chris Martin is eating meat again, following his split from Gwyneth Paltrow. Having escaped from the headlock of matrimonial vegetarianism, he's free to stuff meat into his maw. While I've had a pop at Paltrow in the past, I find Martin's behaviour rather passive-aggressive – chatting about his newfound meat consumption when, as a seasoned celeb, he must have known these comments would be used against Paltrow.

If he was so desperate for a burger when he was with Paltrow, why didn't the big drip just have one? I've not had a single relationship where anyone felt compelled to adopt my vegetarianism. What did Martin think Gwynnie would do – attack him with a spiralizer?

Martin also used the classic paleo-poseur argument – "You should only eat meat you could kill yourself".

Gosh, really? Where exactly would these killings occur – Selfridges food hall? It makes me wonder how many of the men (it's usually men) who come out with such painful guff would genuinely go through with killing their own food. I'd imagine it's vanishingly few.

It's just faux-macho claptrap designed to make emasculated men feel like "big tough boys". How exquisitely pathetic.

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tbTEoKyaqpSerq96wqikaJuforqmutOiqp%2BqlZp8c3yQbWajrZxkfXZ7zJqkmpyZo7RuucCgmKWtlmKura%2FOoaalZaOaxW6x16mjqKGklsGqu80%3D